I'm trying something new. Not because I “want to”, but because I am kinda being forced to, and highly encouraged. Even though it might be good for me, it's one of those things that I would never prefer to do nor choose to do, until I “have to” - in addition to having made a promise to follow through.
Even as I am saying this out loud, tears are falling from my eyes - it's not the same. Using my voice to type is not the same as using my hands to write. Words and rhetoric and creative expression just doesn’t seem to come out of my mouth like it comes through my hands. I know it may sound silly to some people and such a minor thing to cry about in big picture view of other conditions and afflictions. What’s going on?
For the past few years I've been dealing with flare-ups of pain and weakness that began in the thumb/wrist of my dominant hand, then effecting both of my hands, now extending up my arms, likely from extended use and repetitive movement - such as journaling, writing, typing, “texting” style of writing, and scrolling to read or study when I only had my phone handy. My first flare-up was about 7 years ago. Back then it was caused from picking up my son and placing repeated pressure on that thumb joint. My mom had similar issues with her hands, beginning around my age. I also have what appears to be ganglion cysts on the top of both hands, which is something that runs in the family with us females and can become symptomatic, often requiring surgical removal.
How many "flare-ups" and recurring cycles does it take before we turn from our futile thinking and foolish ways and make a change (repentance). I've been there. I don't ever wish to go back there, to linger or to remain there. Yet, if I am not careful and watchful over how I live, I can regress, I can forget, I can wander.
Maintaining relationship and effectiveness by remaining close and holding fast to His word is no longer a “have to”, but a “get to”. I get to have daily relationship with my God and humbly submit out of a grateful heart - a heart that desires to honor Him and bring Him glory instead of grief - and as a result, be changed by being with Him and renewing my mind (transformation). When I stumble, He is quick to restore me as I offer Him my sorrowful heart. When I slow down and listen, He is faithful to remind me and guide me. My “need to” comes from an ever present awareness of His mercy and goodness and the benefit of remaining close - whether there is a crisis or not, whether I feel a “need to” or not. This is because I now know that it is good for me. He is good. He is worthy. He sustains me and makes me feel secure, for there is no other dwelling place and no other person that can bring me peace, with hope.
Even as I am saying this out loud, tears are falling from my eyes - it's not the same. Using my voice to type is not the same as using my hands to write. Words and rhetoric and creative expression just doesn’t seem to come out of my mouth like it comes through my hands. I know it may sound silly to some people and such a minor thing to cry about in big picture view of other conditions and afflictions. What’s going on?
For the past few years I've been dealing with flare-ups of pain and weakness that began in the thumb/wrist of my dominant hand, then effecting both of my hands, now extending up my arms, likely from extended use and repetitive movement - such as journaling, writing, typing, “texting” style of writing, and scrolling to read or study when I only had my phone handy. My first flare-up was about 7 years ago. Back then it was caused from picking up my son and placing repeated pressure on that thumb joint. My mom had similar issues with her hands, beginning around my age. I also have what appears to be ganglion cysts on the top of both hands, which is something that runs in the family with us females and can become symptomatic, often requiring surgical removal.
Time for confession. I have been storing up good instruction - like a disciple, and although much good has come from it, my hands are worn - like an apprentice. While in a hyper-focused state of mind and zealously engaged in meaningful interaction {or when devoted to a work in progress - to something unsettled that I must seek, something unfinished that I must tweak, something intriguing and inspiring in my mind’s eye, or something good for learning and sharing with others}, I can linger in this space and easily spend hours on this kind of deep engagement and student activity - without being mindful of my poor posture, or shallow breathing, or exhausted hands, or lunchtime, or time flying by, or the pile of laundry that needs put away! Woe is me.
Good, constructive things that appeal to me can be a distraction from doing less appealing, good things that ought not be neglected, undervalued, or imbalanced for too long. This is a real struggle for me - a daily struggle. I had been doing better with monitoring my time, seeking moderation, improving self-care, making adjustments, and taking time to disengage to re-engage, to be present and useful elsewhere, but starting a blog and writing more often has been a contributing factor to this present flare-up. I overdid it, once again. And here I am, once again… Ever been there?
Rest your hands, they said. It'll get better if you rest, they said (“they” as in the google searches and sources on the internet). Don't do whatever it is that aggravates your hands and causes this syndrome and its symptoms to flare-up. How do you rest your hands? How do you refrain from or limit using both of your hands? How do you retrain yourself and restrain yourself from over using your hands in that way, when the very thing that makes your hands weary and worn is the one thing that makes your soul feel relieved and refreshed. Sigh. Self-pity. Justification. Excuses, excuses... I hear you. This I know.
To be honest, I haven't done much about it yet, I haven't prayed about it persistently, I haven’t seen a hand Dr. yet (appointment is scheduled), and I haven't been consistent with any kind of treatment, intervention or home remedy. For whenever my hands feel better, it’s easy to be forgetful and revert back to using them in ways that eventually cause another flare-up, which limits me from using my achy, weak hands for other daily tasks, which leads to more piles of laundry and dishes and hungry kids. That’s not good. This is ineffective.
More recently, it doesn’t take much to trigger a flare-up. This time around, it’s not wanting to calm-down. It seems as though my hands are speaking to me, rather than me speaking through my hands. Will I listen? Will I slow down and seriously consider if this present obstacle and inconvenience is actually an opportunity to listen and learn or make a change.
Good, constructive things that appeal to me can be a distraction from doing less appealing, good things that ought not be neglected, undervalued, or imbalanced for too long. This is a real struggle for me - a daily struggle. I had been doing better with monitoring my time, seeking moderation, improving self-care, making adjustments, and taking time to disengage to re-engage, to be present and useful elsewhere, but starting a blog and writing more often has been a contributing factor to this present flare-up. I overdid it, once again. And here I am, once again… Ever been there?
Rest your hands, they said. It'll get better if you rest, they said (“they” as in the google searches and sources on the internet). Don't do whatever it is that aggravates your hands and causes this syndrome and its symptoms to flare-up. How do you rest your hands? How do you refrain from or limit using both of your hands? How do you retrain yourself and restrain yourself from over using your hands in that way, when the very thing that makes your hands weary and worn is the one thing that makes your soul feel relieved and refreshed. Sigh. Self-pity. Justification. Excuses, excuses... I hear you. This I know.
To be honest, I haven't done much about it yet, I haven't prayed about it persistently, I haven’t seen a hand Dr. yet (appointment is scheduled), and I haven't been consistent with any kind of treatment, intervention or home remedy. For whenever my hands feel better, it’s easy to be forgetful and revert back to using them in ways that eventually cause another flare-up, which limits me from using my achy, weak hands for other daily tasks, which leads to more piles of laundry and dishes and hungry kids. That’s not good. This is ineffective.
More recently, it doesn’t take much to trigger a flare-up. This time around, it’s not wanting to calm-down. It seems as though my hands are speaking to me, rather than me speaking through my hands. Will I listen? Will I slow down and seriously consider if this present obstacle and inconvenience is actually an opportunity to listen and learn or make a change.
How many flare-ups does it take, and to what extremity will it get to, before I not only realize that I need to seek help and make changes, but that I need to also implement those beneficial changes more consistently. Why are we really good at waiting until things get really bad before we seek help or make a change, often out of a felt need or when left with no other options? Why do we wait until we finally “have to” or feel a “need to”? And why is it so hard to implement consistently what you now know is good for you, whether you feel a “need to” or not, in order to maintain this betterness and prevent that “badness” from reoccurring. Is this true for just me, or can you relate?
It reminds me of how my interactions with God used to be, up until about 5 years ago. I wouldn’t even call it a relationship back then, because it was mainly one-sided and poorly maintained by me. Admittedly, I was ignorant and immature or untrained - it’s basically all I knew at that time in regard to relationships - it was self-seeking and fueled by a desire for instant gratification and a longing for acceptance. I would turn to Him when other things turned boring. I would return to Him when other things got really bad. I would pray only when I felt a “need to”. I would read my Bible mostly when I felt a “have to”. I would do good things to earn high praise. In reaction to crisis, I would make a change (modification), only to revert back to old thinking and old ways when things were going well again. I quickly forgot. Just as they did (“they” as in those who have gone before us, whose story can be found throughout the Scriptures - for a brief synopsis, see Deuteronomy 8, Psalm 78 and 106-107). They, who repeatedly forgot to remember God - not only what He had done - His greatness and kindness, but who He was and is and forever will be. Forgetting God when things were going well, and turning to their own ways and the ways of the peoples surrounding them, led them back into crisis. At the arrival of another crisis and chaos, they had no peace. Sound too familiar?
It reminds me of how my interactions with God used to be, up until about 5 years ago. I wouldn’t even call it a relationship back then, because it was mainly one-sided and poorly maintained by me. Admittedly, I was ignorant and immature or untrained - it’s basically all I knew at that time in regard to relationships - it was self-seeking and fueled by a desire for instant gratification and a longing for acceptance. I would turn to Him when other things turned boring. I would return to Him when other things got really bad. I would pray only when I felt a “need to”. I would read my Bible mostly when I felt a “have to”. I would do good things to earn high praise. In reaction to crisis, I would make a change (modification), only to revert back to old thinking and old ways when things were going well again. I quickly forgot. Just as they did (“they” as in those who have gone before us, whose story can be found throughout the Scriptures - for a brief synopsis, see Deuteronomy 8, Psalm 78 and 106-107). They, who repeatedly forgot to remember God - not only what He had done - His greatness and kindness, but who He was and is and forever will be. Forgetting God when things were going well, and turning to their own ways and the ways of the peoples surrounding them, led them back into crisis. At the arrival of another crisis and chaos, they had no peace. Sound too familiar?
...if you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace...
How many "flare-ups" and recurring cycles does it take before we turn from our futile thinking and foolish ways and make a change (repentance). I've been there. I don't ever wish to go back there, to linger or to remain there. Yet, if I am not careful and watchful over how I live, I can regress, I can forget, I can wander.
But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your good works. Psalm 73:28
Maintaining relationship and effectiveness by remaining close and holding fast to His word is no longer a “have to”, but a “get to”. I get to have daily relationship with my God and humbly submit out of a grateful heart - a heart that desires to honor Him and bring Him glory instead of grief - and as a result, be changed by being with Him and renewing my mind (transformation). When I stumble, He is quick to restore me as I offer Him my sorrowful heart. When I slow down and listen, He is faithful to remind me and guide me. My “need to” comes from an ever present awareness of His mercy and goodness and the benefit of remaining close - whether there is a crisis or not, whether I feel a “need to” or not. This is because I now know that it is good for me. He is good. He is worthy. He sustains me and makes me feel secure, for there is no other dwelling place and no other person that can bring me peace, with hope.
The trials and the sufferings and the storms of this life, oh, they keep a'comin. Even so, my house will not be shaken and my hope will only be strengthened. Undesirably, my hands may fail, my knees may falter, and another trial will come, but at its arrival it is greeted by sufficient grace, sustaining power, and surpassing peace. Outwardly I am wasting away, but inwardly His glory renews, remains and increases. Nothing compares to this. Nothing compares to Him - to my Jesus.
This is hope. And this hope does not disappoint.
In the midst of unknowns and changes, trials and storms, new learnings and growing pains, there is no other thing and no other person I’d rather put my trust in, than He. To dwell upon and hold fast to what I do know - the love, the wisdom, and the power of God revealed in Christ Jesus and the eternal hope I have in Him, with greater consistency. To remain there, abide there, settle there, and live out of that settled place. To live a life of love and good works. To be still and know, He is God. It is my wish, that you too would "seek peace and pursue it", so that you, along with me, may come to know Him better and know this peace that surpasses understanding.
Grace and peace ~
SS
This is hope. And this hope does not disappoint.
Trust and confidence, anticipation and expectation of what is certain. Not wishful thinking for something that might happen, but confident anticipation and longing for that which is certain - not yet seen, but firm and secure - an anchor for the soul.
In the midst of unknowns and changes, trials and storms, new learnings and growing pains, there is no other thing and no other person I’d rather put my trust in, than He. To dwell upon and hold fast to what I do know - the love, the wisdom, and the power of God revealed in Christ Jesus and the eternal hope I have in Him, with greater consistency. To remain there, abide there, settle there, and live out of that settled place. To live a life of love and good works. To be still and know, He is God. It is my wish, that you too would "seek peace and pursue it", so that you, along with me, may come to know Him better and know this peace that surpasses understanding.
Grace and peace ~
SS
Some good reading: Romans 5 and 8; Hebrews 6; 2 Corinthians 4; Philippians 4; 1Peter 2-4; 2 Peter 1; Matthew 5-7; John 14-17; Proverbs 1-4; Ephesians 1:15-23, 3:14-21
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